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| "believe me, you're doing great for someone in cali. i mean, youre not a crack whore, right? youre not a bag lady or that creepy woman in the back alley that tells fortunes with styrofoam cups and coins? trust me, youve done well. im proud of you, actually. :)" -jovin thank you for that encouraging words. I MISSSSSS you mucho. | | |
| i hate it when im being nosy and find something i dont like. i went to my mom's acct on yahoo because i needed to print something from her acct. being the nosy girl as i am, i read some of my dad's email since i havent really talked to him for a while...oops. for a long time... upon reading this one e-mail... i saw my name. and i got more curious than ever. and guess what.... he told mom that he doesnt care about me anymore. i was hurt. until now. im hurt. but i guess, im still thankful that he didnt say he hates me. on a serious note, i really do miss him. i just cant stop myself from crying atm. ahhh | | |
| it's like a speeding bullet.... i didnt even get the chance to make a u-turn or whatsoever. i have to think straight. i have to clear my mind up. im starting to get lost again. i need God's company. my oh my, why is this happening again? i wish i could be with my mom's tender loving arms. i must decide what's next. i must think it over a million times. AAAAAAAAH! so much for being impulsive and stubborn.... and childish. should i give him up.. or not? | | |
| A Confession
I've never been a good Christian. =(
Though I'm already baptized, I know that I've never been a good one.
I was just this "damsel in distress" who was eager to look for someone to hold on to.
I was lost, I must admit. I didn't know where to go. I didn't know what to do.
Iwas enjoying the things that I used to do, just going with the flow. Tobe honest though, I knew someone who could really help me. Maybe, I wasjust afraid that if I turn to Him, I was expected to do what he tells me to do. As if, it really is a must.(But, isn't it?) Then one unexpected day came and someone introduced meto Him. It wasn't that bad. In fact, everything went well. I attendedsome classes to fill up my knowledge about Him. I wanted to fulfill myknowledge of Him, but I wasn't the patient kind of a person. I didn'treally read the Holy Book, which I was supposed to read. I never reallylistened to His powerful words with all my heart. And because of that,I feel ashamed. I feel ashamed that although I accepted Him, I stillcan't be called a ‘good Christian.’
Camps' helped me to be near Him, helped me to talk to Him; helped me to change for Him. But, theproblem was, it only gave me a short span of time to do those things.After that, I was back to reality— to the real world; to the sinful game. I don't know how to end it and when it will end. And… how to shrug all the temptations off.
Then there was one dreadful daythat occurred again. I moved out to a new environment that’d changed me. Yes, talk about peer pressure. Although I know what I should reallydo, I still keep on doing what I used to do. Yes, I go to His place,but I know it's not enough.
Can you blame me why I am like this, again?
I cuss. I disobey Dad's rules and regulations. I ditch. I— I don't do what Christians are here for.
Iam just a girl. A damsel in distress. A girl, who once again, seeks forGod's presence and words. A girl, who once again, needs someone to helpher to be near with Him again. A girl, an ordinary girl, who sometimescouldn't resist temptations.
This is me.
But whatever you guys say, I love and trust God… and I mean it.
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| Tough question. I don't even know how or where to begin. I'm not sure if I
could possibly find the right words to express what or how much I feel for him,
let alone explain why I love him. I
Why do I love him?
I guess I just do. I love him just because. I love him just because that's
the most natural and possible thing to do.
I love him.
I love him because he's the most incredible, wonderful, amazing and
fantastic guy I have ever known in my entire life. I love him because he's
sweet, charming, smart, witty, and has a great sense of humor. I love him
because he's so cool he's hot.
I love him because he makes me smile. I love him because he makes me laugh.
I love him because he makes me happy. I love him because he's the one and only
guy who has ever made it through my wall and seen right through my mask. I love
him because he accepts the real me, imperfections and all, and still appreciates
me for who I am.
I love him for being my friend. I love him because I could be whatever I
want to be in front of him. I love him because we could talk about anything and
everything under the sun.
I love him because I feel safe when I am with him. I love him because we are
comfortable with each other. I love him for giving me a helping hand when I had
to pick myself up, but couldn't. I love him for offering his shoulder for me to
lean on to when I had to be strong, but wasn't.
I love him for the kilig moments we had. I love him for always making me
feel better, about myself and life in general. I love him for making me feel
special. I love him for making me feel loved. But most of all, I love him for
making me feel. I love him for making me realize that I am capable of feeling this
way and this much for someone. I love him for making me feel alive.
So, why do I love him?
I love him because he's all of these and more. So much more. I love him
because he's everything.
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